over the manhattan bridge
Feb. 14th, 2026 03:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shootuptill5amits funny, because taking tonight as a concept, or at face value, you’d think it’d be good. but i feel so much upset, and so much “hate” (it’s not actually that— just a really, really sour feeling) that it makes it all feel bad.
i figured tonight would result in flakiness, which at that i hate itself so i was hesitant to start feeling on how tonight would go. but it didn’t, to my surprise, and i got to enjoy the music with someone i know.
however, though, it’s not someone i just happen to know. it’s someone who i put so much time and energy into. someone who was easy to talk to, whether it be noon, evening, or late into the morning where things feel more fragile and vulnerable. someone who i’ve felt, and tasted, and kept close to me and didn’t regret it. and yes, both of us enjoyed tonight, but i can’t seem to bring myself to look at their face and tell myself that’s all okay and normal, because to me it isn’t. how did you face me and act the way you did? did nothing phase you? at all? because when i saw you dancing, and when you grabbed me and stared in my eyes, i didn’t remember you as someone i barely knew, no, i remembered you as the person i saw with your lights off and curled into me. my arms around you and playing with your hair. someone i felt i knew so much, in such a vulnerable and comfortable position, but it feels wrong to see you like that anymore. i get it now, but i can’t say it doesn’t hurt at all.
i know my perfume is on your jacket. i hope the smell makes you think. with a sober mind, will you have anything to say? probably not, is what my mind tells me, but i can’t do anything about it, can i. supposedly there’s supposed to be a second round on sunday. but i dont know if i can handle that. i feel like i have no self respect and all i do is put myself in positions where i’m hurting my heart even though its the most sensitive part of me.
if my words seem weird or wrong it’s because im pretty drunk. i say i love being fucked up but it doesn’t do me any good.
i figured tonight would result in flakiness, which at that i hate itself so i was hesitant to start feeling on how tonight would go. but it didn’t, to my surprise, and i got to enjoy the music with someone i know.
however, though, it’s not someone i just happen to know. it’s someone who i put so much time and energy into. someone who was easy to talk to, whether it be noon, evening, or late into the morning where things feel more fragile and vulnerable. someone who i’ve felt, and tasted, and kept close to me and didn’t regret it. and yes, both of us enjoyed tonight, but i can’t seem to bring myself to look at their face and tell myself that’s all okay and normal, because to me it isn’t. how did you face me and act the way you did? did nothing phase you? at all? because when i saw you dancing, and when you grabbed me and stared in my eyes, i didn’t remember you as someone i barely knew, no, i remembered you as the person i saw with your lights off and curled into me. my arms around you and playing with your hair. someone i felt i knew so much, in such a vulnerable and comfortable position, but it feels wrong to see you like that anymore. i get it now, but i can’t say it doesn’t hurt at all.
i know my perfume is on your jacket. i hope the smell makes you think. with a sober mind, will you have anything to say? probably not, is what my mind tells me, but i can’t do anything about it, can i. supposedly there’s supposed to be a second round on sunday. but i dont know if i can handle that. i feel like i have no self respect and all i do is put myself in positions where i’m hurting my heart even though its the most sensitive part of me.
if my words seem weird or wrong it’s because im pretty drunk. i say i love being fucked up but it doesn’t do me any good.
