daybydaybyday
Feb. 11th, 2026 12:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shootuptill5ama little while ago, i wrote that 2026 is leaving a bit of a sour taste, just because it felt like i was already being forced to learn lessons through means i thought were unfair. that karma-esque, curse-ish feeling i've written about before. i think that lately, however, i've learned i need to take things one day at a time. impatience, if i should even call it that, gets the best of me. when something doesn't go right, it seems it'll stay bad forever. i've learned that's not always the case.
people are surprising, situations are surprising, and i end up in a position where i don't know where i am or what i'm doing. but i like the outcomes of this sometimes, hence the previous paragraph.
however, i reflect on choices i make and what i do, and quite honestly, i think i've realized i carry a lack of self respect i should truly have. why am i agreeing to be a second choice? why am i making choices that defy things i often think? i'm being vague, and this is only semi-applicable at best, but it's a little disappointing in hindsight. i blame it on the fact i'm young and this is the time in my life i should be having fun, exploring, and figuring things out. but when i'm involved in scenarios that involve the ideals that haunt me, it makes it a bit harder to follow that mindset. i make the choices with my full chest, but those thoughts still linger in the back of my mind.
i feel like i'm in this limbo of not being sure if what's happening is good or not. my immediate thoughts are always that it is, but when i can't shake the thoughts, i start second-guessing. i'm so used to taking what's given to me as the best i can get, but deep down i know i deserve better. i can't say much, though. i want this. but i also know i want something more. again, lack of self respect, but when it seems like its out of reach its hard for me not to settle.
don't show me i'm a second option. don't tell me about things i wouldn't want to know about.
the next few days will be... interesting, i think is how i would put it. i'm not sure what's going to happen in terms of plans, and what will happen at said plans. i'm excited, but honestly anxious. i'm doing my best to go in with no expectations.
what will i do when i see your face?
people are surprising, situations are surprising, and i end up in a position where i don't know where i am or what i'm doing. but i like the outcomes of this sometimes, hence the previous paragraph.
however, i reflect on choices i make and what i do, and quite honestly, i think i've realized i carry a lack of self respect i should truly have. why am i agreeing to be a second choice? why am i making choices that defy things i often think? i'm being vague, and this is only semi-applicable at best, but it's a little disappointing in hindsight. i blame it on the fact i'm young and this is the time in my life i should be having fun, exploring, and figuring things out. but when i'm involved in scenarios that involve the ideals that haunt me, it makes it a bit harder to follow that mindset. i make the choices with my full chest, but those thoughts still linger in the back of my mind.
i feel like i'm in this limbo of not being sure if what's happening is good or not. my immediate thoughts are always that it is, but when i can't shake the thoughts, i start second-guessing. i'm so used to taking what's given to me as the best i can get, but deep down i know i deserve better. i can't say much, though. i want this. but i also know i want something more. again, lack of self respect, but when it seems like its out of reach its hard for me not to settle.
don't show me i'm a second option. don't tell me about things i wouldn't want to know about.
the next few days will be... interesting, i think is how i would put it. i'm not sure what's going to happen in terms of plans, and what will happen at said plans. i'm excited, but honestly anxious. i'm doing my best to go in with no expectations.
what will i do when i see your face?
