(no subject)
Dec. 11th, 2025 12:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shootuptill5amin the past 2 weeks, i have
1. had things cut off with someone i was really excited about, for a reason i still don't fully understand
2. realized i've lost a connection with a group of friends i held very close to me
3. been very criticized for my academics
4. been cancelled on and shown i am not prioritized by people i think to be my closest friends
5. had my management and coworkers give me trouble for prioritizing academics
6. completely broke my phone to where i had to spend a lot of money to fix it unexpectedly
7. had my parents think i'm crazy
8. been too impulsive
9. not been able to keep it together in public whatsoever, to the point my eyes are constantly hurting
and currently,
10. been completely locked out of all of my course & academic material during finals week because my phone broke, with no fix currently, and have a final in 9 hours
to say i am struggling is an understatement. the other day i wrote the words 'i'm living a nightmare'. initially, i looked at that and laughed but the more i do the more i realize i am genuinely believing that. yes i have a roof over my head but that lecture doesn't do anything except make me spiral more. when everything at the forefront of it all and what i actively deal with is going wrong i can't focus on basic necessities. friends, relationships, work, finances, school, literally every aspect of my life that could be going wrong is going wrong and no one realizes how serious i'm being. anyone i reach out to downplays it and i don't know how to emphasize it really is that bad. i'm defeated and don't know what to do.
this is silly, but i find myself asking and asking for someone or something to save me, but that someone or something never comes. it feels like bad karma for something i don't know i did. or a curse someone put on me to make me suffer. i love and i try and what i get in return are things that never seem to go the right way and people deciding to leave me or not take me seriously.
i don't really know what else to say so i'm leaving it here. i just want things to turn around for me
1. had things cut off with someone i was really excited about, for a reason i still don't fully understand
2. realized i've lost a connection with a group of friends i held very close to me
3. been very criticized for my academics
4. been cancelled on and shown i am not prioritized by people i think to be my closest friends
5. had my management and coworkers give me trouble for prioritizing academics
6. completely broke my phone to where i had to spend a lot of money to fix it unexpectedly
7. had my parents think i'm crazy
8. been too impulsive
9. not been able to keep it together in public whatsoever, to the point my eyes are constantly hurting
and currently,
10. been completely locked out of all of my course & academic material during finals week because my phone broke, with no fix currently, and have a final in 9 hours
to say i am struggling is an understatement. the other day i wrote the words 'i'm living a nightmare'. initially, i looked at that and laughed but the more i do the more i realize i am genuinely believing that. yes i have a roof over my head but that lecture doesn't do anything except make me spiral more. when everything at the forefront of it all and what i actively deal with is going wrong i can't focus on basic necessities. friends, relationships, work, finances, school, literally every aspect of my life that could be going wrong is going wrong and no one realizes how serious i'm being. anyone i reach out to downplays it and i don't know how to emphasize it really is that bad. i'm defeated and don't know what to do.
this is silly, but i find myself asking and asking for someone or something to save me, but that someone or something never comes. it feels like bad karma for something i don't know i did. or a curse someone put on me to make me suffer. i love and i try and what i get in return are things that never seem to go the right way and people deciding to leave me or not take me seriously.
i don't really know what else to say so i'm leaving it here. i just want things to turn around for me
