thanksgiving
Nov. 28th, 2025 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shootuptill5ambelated, but happy thanksgiving :)
to be completely honest, my thanksgiving felt awfully lonely. i've felt kind of alone recently so i think that just amplified today. i'm grateful for the people who reached out to me to express gratitude for friendships and things of the sort. although for some reason it doesn't shake the feeling of being lonely. that's a hard thought to wrap my head around
i think i'm someone who tries to be grateful for everything i experience in life in one way or another. i try to see the good as good and the bad as things i learn from. but lately the bad has been extra bad, and at a point i can't force that perspective onto things that happen like that. things happen to me and people treat me in certain ways that make me feel like a dog curled up in a corner with pleading eyes and really just wondering why it has to happen to me. and why i have to experience certain things i experience.
what do i do to deserve being treated badly? there's not many things more disappointing than sitting down at the end of the day and realizing someone is really just being mean, and it's out of my control. i feel childish when i think someone is "being mean", i feel like in adult lives people don't attach that word to things often, but i think it adds to the meaning behind thinking that. we are all every version of ourselves, and if something strikes us a certain way, we return to when we were small by feeling small. its like a kick to the ribs. when i feel like this i want to curl up and cradle myself like i was when i was a child. yes i am moved out and 20 years old and living my adult life but moments like this i feel more like a kid that wants her mom more than i did when i was younger. but much like then, it's still hard for me to talk. it's hard for me to determine where or who i can run to when i feel like my heart is too big and messy to fit inside of my chest but i'm too scared to have it worn on my sleeve again.
i'm thankful for warm drinks and walking around in my city on a cold day. i'm thankful for sudden get-togethers and being able to laugh and smile with people i care about. i'm thankful for songs and writing and stories that move me in every way. i'm thankful for nights spent looking out at a skyline and thinking how lucky i am to be where i am. i'm thankful for photographing the sky and sunsets at the pier. i'm thankful for music that makes me melt into my own emotions. i'm thankful for conversations in the dark that allow me to see someone deeper. and after all, i think i'm thankful for myself in a way, somehow.
i hope anyone reading this had a good thanksgiving and spent it with people you love and want to be surrounded by. and ate good, too, can't forget about that.
to be completely honest, my thanksgiving felt awfully lonely. i've felt kind of alone recently so i think that just amplified today. i'm grateful for the people who reached out to me to express gratitude for friendships and things of the sort. although for some reason it doesn't shake the feeling of being lonely. that's a hard thought to wrap my head around
i think i'm someone who tries to be grateful for everything i experience in life in one way or another. i try to see the good as good and the bad as things i learn from. but lately the bad has been extra bad, and at a point i can't force that perspective onto things that happen like that. things happen to me and people treat me in certain ways that make me feel like a dog curled up in a corner with pleading eyes and really just wondering why it has to happen to me. and why i have to experience certain things i experience.
what do i do to deserve being treated badly? there's not many things more disappointing than sitting down at the end of the day and realizing someone is really just being mean, and it's out of my control. i feel childish when i think someone is "being mean", i feel like in adult lives people don't attach that word to things often, but i think it adds to the meaning behind thinking that. we are all every version of ourselves, and if something strikes us a certain way, we return to when we were small by feeling small. its like a kick to the ribs. when i feel like this i want to curl up and cradle myself like i was when i was a child. yes i am moved out and 20 years old and living my adult life but moments like this i feel more like a kid that wants her mom more than i did when i was younger. but much like then, it's still hard for me to talk. it's hard for me to determine where or who i can run to when i feel like my heart is too big and messy to fit inside of my chest but i'm too scared to have it worn on my sleeve again.
i'm thankful for warm drinks and walking around in my city on a cold day. i'm thankful for sudden get-togethers and being able to laugh and smile with people i care about. i'm thankful for songs and writing and stories that move me in every way. i'm thankful for nights spent looking out at a skyline and thinking how lucky i am to be where i am. i'm thankful for photographing the sky and sunsets at the pier. i'm thankful for music that makes me melt into my own emotions. i'm thankful for conversations in the dark that allow me to see someone deeper. and after all, i think i'm thankful for myself in a way, somehow.
i hope anyone reading this had a good thanksgiving and spent it with people you love and want to be surrounded by. and ate good, too, can't forget about that.
